The Estates of the Postmodern Dating Market

Forging Status in the Age of Equality

In the anthropological study “Sex & Culture”, JD Unwin claims — in contrast to modern orthodoxy — that monogamy and sexual restrictions are necessary precursors to harnessing societal growth and developing more advanced civilizations. Can we maintain advanced civilization for long when sexuality becomes a hedonistic product readily available while committed, dynastic marriages are so hard to find?

Per 2022 statistics, only 33% of households had children under 18, down 50% from 1960. 25% of parents living with kids are unmarried, up 7% from 1968. Single-parent households are also growing. The average age of women having their first child — per 2021 statistics — is up to 27.3 years of age, compared to 20.8 years of age in 1935. Marriage rates have fallen by 50% since 1972, reaching a new low every year. Gender war discourse is all the rage on X, Youtube, and Tiktok. Men and women have legitimate and perceived grievances against the other sex. Millions of young men and women despair in loneliness, failing to find an adequate partner, or even finding a first date. In the internet competition of all vs all, some of the most physically attractive, charismatic specimens of both sexes have learned they can maximize their own body count, follower count, or bank account if they lean into the worst vices their sex can offer. Young men race against the clock to find women who haven't dipped their toes into digital prostitution. Young women scramble to find men who haven't gotten addicted to pornography. Both sexes strive to find partners who haven't given up hope and dove headlong into maximizing hedonism or forsaking love altogether. Both sexes are prone to having unrealistic expectations of the other, even seeking the healing of broken souls wounded by the modern world. Many are pursuing a savior from loneliness, friendlessness, and sexlessness, clinging onto the hope of finding that savior on the next swipe. The dating market as a whole is in collapse.

Despite the projections of girl-boss fantasy or women seeking an “equal”, men of experience know women crave status. It’s always the hero, the prince, the captain of other men, the heir, the CEO, or the man strong enough to be independent that gets the girl. Yes, love is also a goal for women, but status is the initial bait that pulls women in. With “status” being simplified to Hollywood-style luxury divorced from princely responsibility, the misallocation and shuffling of status is one of the biggest weights drowning modern dating in an ocean of post-modern chaos. Many in the "manosphere" critique the hypergamy of women — though properly channeled, hypergamy is a healthy, refining drive for the species as a whole. The feminine drive for status translates to a desire to be anchored in a deep, loving community, and it is the woman’s beauty and drive for more that pulls young men out of the Simba Syndrome of abandoning any potential for kingship. Like many things in the postmodern world, this once healthy impulse gets twisted into a dysmorphic extreme. Women are given institutional advantages in pursuing education, getting hired, and seeking promotions, adding insult to injury for men who are struggling to find good jobs and earn more than the women they are dating- all while techno-capital commoditizes everything, even the girls themselves. Many men cannot comprehend status beyond wealthy guys flashing cash, driving fancy cars, buying boats, and being flanked by hot yet vapid chicks. And women are happy to chase after this faux-princely fantasy — worse yet, millions feel entitled to it. How can young men tackle this rigged and daunting hurdle?

There's many different conversations that could be had at this point, but I want to focus on one aspect of it that puts power and autonomy back in the hands of men. Men of quality should naturally desire status, though this can be a path to temptation or even exploitation. When done so virtuously it is a benefit to the community around them. As we discussed, women seek status, but much to our benefit, they do not generate it themselves. Through Hollywood and entertainment, past elites have been able to code the things they desire as high status, but their grip on culture is waning. The Trump election is an excellent sign that status is no longer so ideologically captured. I suggest expanding our view of status beyond the merely mercantile, and we shall use history as a guide.

Ancien Régime — the "Old Regime" of medieval France — was a medieval mindset viewing government and society through the lens of three different "estates of the realm"- a direct inspiration to the American three branches of government. The three estates are those of the Clergy, the titled Nobles, and all other subjects, both Peasants and burghers. There are different variants of the three estates, but these are a great frame, as they also neatly overlap with Spengler's Warrior, Priest, and Merchant classes. We are a deeply merchant society, ruled over by men thinking only of how to increase their stock, their bank account. And they can't really imagine other means of gaining it beyond the trading of goods and services, or exploiting people through contracts and lines of credit. These are the bourgeoisie or the burghers. Currently, merchant status — celebrities, the high life, and flashy luxuries — is the only status game in town and that's how the established elites want you to play the game. But if you want more than a consolation prize, you are going to need to play other games. If you can make good money doing honest trading and building, that's not inherently evil, but you must be wary of how our enemies will try to pull you back into their orbit.

Most numerous but important nonetheless are the Peasants and they have been greatly deprived of their dignified, if humble, status. Confucius and other thinkers even place peasants above merchants, as peasant work is hard. It refines the body, the people, and the land. There is nobility in toiling, in sweating, in land being sown, machines oiled, trucks driven, power lines repaired, and houses built. It's not glamorous, but it is crucial work and debatably the most important of all. The other classes draw value from how this category of class is mobilized. While Peasants are never going to be the top of society, they ought to be recognized as men of value, skill, and talent and — especially in small locales — should be recognizable heroes of industry. Thus a tempting choice for a good partner for local parochial girls. America has historically done a good job of praising this class of people with country music, songs like "Working on the Highway", "Hard Workin' Man" and "Working Man Blues". Plenty of guitars will be strung, and plenty of women will swoon for a man who can work, sweat, banter with the boys, maintain the house, build furniture, drink beer, put kids to bed, and keep his focus local. The task of the Peasant is to keep his work honest and productive. Though he may have corrupt rulers above him, his conflict is between him and his work- the elites will sort themselves out in time. Time lost to dishonest work is time never regained. It is the skill and the calling of the Peasant to produce the treasures that the elites fight over and to provide the underlying bedrock that keeps civilization going. It is truly a noble task, even if it leaves dirt under your fingernails.

With the Merchants and Peasants, we have covered the third estate, let us continue and examine the second estate: the Priests. These men have climbed the hierarchy of spirituality: seeking the deepest truths, the Divine, the nature of man, the purpose of life, collecting human knowledge, advising kings, and serving God — quite a package! Women can be easily swayed by words and a romantic vision and the Priests are the best at this, keeping them attracted to this archetype. Though like many things in our modern world, some Priests are corrupted. Think Rasputin, sleazy tele-evangelist pastors, musicians, and actors. Priests are those who teach everyone else — even rulers — what Good is. This is magnetic to women who want to be convinced they are on the side of good or “the right side of history”. Priests pass on the Word of God and maintain the archives of collected knowledge. It was Priests that invented the university, it was Priests that painstakingly illuminated manuscripts, it was Priests that kept the seeds of knowledge that planted Christendom in the Dark Ages. Through learning, Priests are also the trusted bureaucrats for rulers, giving us terms like “pontiff” from Roman times. Even the term "clerical" can refer to a religious role or a bureaucratic one.

This learned role has also been corrupted, but don't let that sway you. God will abandon those who wield this power for ill and for their own enrichment. Many false Priests are easily detected, and if you have insight into our current age, you're already convinced of the spiritual realities in front of us. If you're reading this, chances are you have one foot into this class already. If you align with this archetype, make sure you do not use the strength of the mind as an excuse to neglect the strength of the body, and zealously guard your connection to the Divine. Never, ever compromise your calling. Evil will try to convince you that small compromises are permissible. Purge yourself of impurities by seeking the Most Pure, and never back down from what is Good. That will require the true strength of a man and women will love that. More importantly, seek knowledge, Truth, and Wisdom, and guide your brothers with that knowledge. They will elevate you to the degree you elevate Goodness, Truth, and Beauty in this fallen world.

Finally, we have the first estate— the Nobles. The noble's connection to status is obvious. And that inspires envy in most men, maybe you. It does in me. I too yearn to issue commands that men obey, carve out a destiny for my line, my people, and my nation. But with this obvious status and power, the Noble class is notoriously exclusive and small— indeed, it is a fundamental function of the Noble class that necessitates exclusivity. Capturing the eye of men and women alike, the noble class is a goal for many- a hint that many are unworthy of it. According to Spengler and Evola, very few, if any, spiritual nobles exist. Those that do are born into it as defined by the word itself and by history. This envy, power, status, and glory bring about the noble class' downfall as well. Plotting, backbiting, sedition, assassination, jockeying, pandering, and flattering follow nobles everywhere they go. Genuine friendship is hard to find, peers to compare technique with are also rare, rarer yet are fellow Nobles who are not also rivals. Few experience the weight of deciding the fates of men, or wielding dictates that can shape nations with so many consequences on one set of shoulders. Nobles are very often alone. And when they are, they are extremely vulnerable to the vices that come with power. Arguably, this is how the great monarchies of Europe fell. As barons plotted against counts, counts against dukes, dukes against kings, kings against emperors, and emperors against other emperors, envy and desire for glory produced no small amount of strife. This strife pressured the nobles into moral compromise and dereliction of duty. In playing the great game, the old world nobles sold their domains into debt to help secure the next victory and thus subjugated the greatest class to the lowest — a Satanic inversion of status.

Nobles were born out of military necessity and are the embodiment of the warrior class. This is utterly foreign in today's safety-driven, conflict-avoidant, evil-tolerant world- the Merchant’s world. Whatever martial strength might exist, it is quickly captured by our enemies. Sports used to be a decent expression of men's desire for warfare, physical prowess, and contest. But even this outlet has been mercilessly commoditized and globalized. No longer are sports stars true representatives of their locales. Decades ago, you could encounter your local sports star in public, and you would have a natural connection to him as both of you would've had the same hometown experiences. When sports were localized, there were more men on the top of small, more distributed hierarchies. An arguably worse fate has befallen the actual martial men of the military — constant humiliation rituals of women and diversity hires getting promoted over the men of extraordinary merit. Officers must do pushups with their men so they don't "haze" recruits... all in the name of securing resources for mega corporations and occupying "scary" countries to keep us "safe" at home.

The role of a Noble — like that of the Priest — requires purity. But it also requires honor and duty. The honor of the Nobles suffuses their Peasants with humility and similar commitments to duty. For us today, that means we must work to build the strength and the glory of one another. If Nobles are honorable and just, they will elevate and protect you for that contribution. All men must combat excessive pride — the pride of the libertarian, who kneels to no man and drowns good ideas and community in purity spiraling. The libertarian believes truly he is the best, that he has been denied the opportunities owed to him, and that he should be listened to on the account of who he is when he has accomplished nothing. Don't be the Libertarian™. If you do not kneel to a man who you know by name, who you can touch and petition for aid and protection, you will end up working for a system. A system that may seem less totalitarian than regimes of the past, but is, in practice, moreso because it demands total conformity, cannot be reasoned with, but it will hate you or forget you exist, and it will always exploit you. It will forget you, your family, and whatever sacrifices you make. As the world gets harsher, one individual's strength will become insufficient. You will have to either lead, or follow. More likely, if you're an intelligent, or honest, or capable man, you will be both. And this is where many of us may yet embody the Noble archetype. Hierarchy is fractal, and the prominent hierarchies everyone looks to are upheld by countless smaller hierarchies. There are leaders of tens, of hundreds, and thousands, just as there are leaders of hundreds of thousands, millions, and hundreds of millions. Know your place. Climb as high as you can in the hierarchy, then stop, lest you encounter the Peter Principle. Serve, contribute to, and swear allegiance to those above you. Guide, protect, and elevate those who are below you. This is the nature of being a man. Be a man. That is the ultimate key to finding a woman.

Let us reflect on the nature of man and woman. I highly recommend reading, listening to, or otherwise absorbing Evola's observations on the sexes. Beyond direct interaction between the sexes, Evola attributes "solar" qualities to men and "lunar" qualities to women. Solar is radiant — a source of light. The sun, according to Evola, represents spiritual purity, vision, and staying true to your sacred duty. It represents carving your path into reality, constantly, unrelentingly, and seeking the highest values and purpose- which is not material, though it can have material manifestations. "Lunar" is reflective, like the moon. It does not generate its own light, but reflects the light and glory of another. It is turbulent, like the moon controlling the tides and prone to chaos and outside influence. When the "moon" is too strong — like in modern society — you end up losing the light, as you see only a reflection of a reflection of a reflection, losing light, warmth, and virtue with each mirroring.

To be clear, this is not just saying "men good, women bad". There's a complex dynamic between the sexes, but I do believe some "lunar" elevates and compliments some "solar". We would all cook and melt on an earth with all sun and no moon. What's important for us here are two things: not being distracted or corrupted on our path to growth and generating status on our own through fraternal networks and hierarchies. Evola himself discusses how being obsessed and distracted by the material world is a "lunar" quality. By focusing on material wealth and sex, you are allowing yourself to dim your "solar" light (your life's calling or mission) and reflecting "lunar" values that are outside of yourself. But if you remain focused and true to virtue, you can be a radiant source of light and warmth to those around you. The more noble you are in your spirit, the more burdensome is your duty to share your Light, and to not compromise it with distraction, or even the opinions of the Peasants beneath you. You don’t need anyone’s permission to act, short of God himself, and those above you in righteous hierarchy.

Believe that dynamic, virtuous, and committed men generate status. We are used to status being engineered by corrupt, evil men and women. This is all a distraction, and will be significantly weakened in the future. The future belongs to the doers, the truth-seekers, and the fighters: the three estates. Building things in the real world, accomplishing ambitious projects, and gathering resources for a good purpose are innately prestigious things. There's millions of Youtube videos dedicated to these things and they are very satisfying to watch. Building things, defending virtue, and discovering truth is hard. Things that are hard will always select for a small number of elite men. And that is the heart of what status is- it is within your grasp! Know what your purpose is. Know what you believe is true. Fight to defend virtue. Build and serve the small hierarchies around you. Become an elite of the estates that will rule the future.